Saturday, 30 March 2019

How i have enabled narcissists


It is only in hindsight and after more than a year of reflection and research on narcissism that i am able to write about how i have contributed to all the delays to Sree Maa’s vision and the noble mission of Kosmic Fusion to share the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse with many people.

i am extremely sorry and apologize from the bottom of my heart to Sree Maa Shri Ji, to the other FiTs and to the people whom have been held back from receiving the Grace of the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse. By enabling the covert narcissists that snuck into the FiT Programme have inadvertently slowed down Sree Maa and the mission of Kosmic Fusion.

Stealth bomb

Covert narcissists are very hard to spot, and they are very good at playing your weaknesses. My kalyan mitra Archita shared a quote she found about covert narcissists that i think is very apt: “covert narcissist is the worst kind of narcissist there is. Like a stealth bomb, you can’t see them coming until they have left their destruction.”

Unfortunately, narcissists are drawn to empaths and empathetic people and roam around in spiritual circles, not because they want to serve others or to work on themselves and spiritually progress but because there, they can find a large unsuspecting supply. Supply of trusting people with forgiving and kind qualities they can drain energetically and manipulate for attention and other resources as well. It is only by the Grace and protection of Sree Maa Shri Ji and the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse that i am still standing and that i am still here. 

Ignorance, unawareness and self-preservation

Having said this, the narcissists wouldn’t have been able to hijack the FiT Programme, create such havoc and harassment, had i practiced awareness, discernment and did what was right at all times. Looking back on the FiT Programme, can see how i have missed many vital cues, clues and red flags graciously raised by Sree Maa, and how my own nature got in the way.

Trusted others in the FiT Programme blindly, believing everyone had come with the same genuine intention. And this is where i fell short big time. Failed to listen thoroughly and reflect on the Teachings Sree Maa was sharing and think about how that would apply to the FiT Programme, not in the least when Sree Maa explained about devas and danavas…

Was looking within at my grey shades (and this i could have done much better too) but not paying attention to what was going on with all in the FiT Programme. Didn’t practice discernment, despite Sree Maa talking about it, and remained too self-absorbed with my own process, not taking enough interest in what was happening in other regions where FiT were living, including the Ashram House.

Completely fell for the image that Joy Kuo was projecting of a hard-working, dedicated volunteer and later on devotee. Interestingly, it is a fact that covert narcissists often come across as polite and well-behaved, as is explained in this article. There was at times evidence or behaviours from her side to the contrary but this cognitive dissonance i didn’t solve by asking the right questions or finding out what was really going on in Sydney. 

There were tensions amongst some of the FiTs at times and bullying messages from Joy and Iphigenie on the group whatsapp but where there is conflict i tend to run away or shut down instead of standing up. Chose self-preservation, not saying anything and holding on the miss goodie two shoes fakeness and my people pleasing tendencies. Narcissists are masters at deflections and projections and the lights still did not go on in my head when Iphigenie and especially Joy were playing the victim and putting others under the train.

Now, when i read the characteristics of a covert narcissists i can see that both Joy and Iphigenie literally tick all the boxes. At the time, had no clue but should have at least asked some questions and done research about narcissism when it first came to light mid 2016 that Rita/Nandini had narcissistic tendencies. It is almost uncanny how their games are exactly like you read in the textbooks about narcissism.



Arrogance 

Straight from the start Sree Maa has taught about being the non-doer; the golden rule was to step back and let the All-Knowing QVSWPP step in. The FiT Programme gave us the opportunity to practice this sincerely, but my doer and arrogance did step in at times and that paved the way for the narcissists to create chaos. For example, raised my hand at the 2016 Retreat for Bhakti Bhaav. Initially felt hesitation and didn’t feel ready at all but arrogance took over. 

What is more i was among those who attempted to write about Bhakti Bhaav following this Retreat whereas i didn’t have a clue what it was, very much a novice at it and it is something one can only offer by the Grace of Bhagwan and Satpurush. By putting up my hand and attempting to write about it, completely failed to show respect for Sree Maa Shri Ji’s paramekantik Bhakti to Bhagwan Swaminarayan which we receive most graciously as the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse. Never ever did i publish any of the drafts, but the narcissists made use of this situation to write their own flyers and promotions portraying themselves as great devotees and actually going ahead with printing it, trying to deceive innocent seekers with their lies. Sree Maa immediately put a stop to all workshops when this happened to protect innocent people.

Deep sleep 

Was so deeply asleep that for the longest time did not clue on to the subtle and sly ways in which Iphigenie was spreading her poison in the group, constantly creating confusion and planting seeds of doubts and doing everything to fulfil her mission to destroy Kosmic Fusion. Even after the India Pilgrimage where Iphigenie’s behaviour was rude and appalling and i even questioned her why she was in the Ashram, i did not approach Sree Maa to ask Sree Maa Shri Ji how is Sree Maa doing. Sree Maa travelled a lot, was out of the Ashram a lot after Iphigenie moved in and that should have been a big hint. The least i should have done was to enquire what is happening in the Ashram, show interest from the bottom of my heart about the wellbeing of my ultimate Well-Wisher. Yet i never asked.

Sree Maa was selflessly giving 1000% percent to the FiT Programme, making untold sacrifices for the benefits of the FiT, relentlessly guiding all of us towards the Brahmroop, even the ones who came with malicious intentions as Sree Maa sees the divine potential within all. But i chose to remain in my comfort zone, sit on the fence, run away or keep my blinkers on at crucial times. 

What i ended up doing is exploiting the kindness and Compassion of the one i hold most dear, beloved Sree Maa Shri Ji. Ended up enabling two covert malignant narcissists who created horrendous harassment to Sree Maa Shri Ji and also to other FiTs. Sree Maa was always protecting us, taking the attacks from the narcissists on herself, but i miserably failed to keep the side of Sree Maa when Sree Maa was silently enduring all the harassment at the Ashram House at the hands of the narcissists.



Sree Maa didn’t need any of us at all, but since we wanted to volunteer graciously gave us the opportunity. Wrote in my letter in 2013 that i wanted to serve the noble mission of Kosmic Fusion but ended up wasting Sree Maa Shri Ji’s time and delaying the mission.

It is only by the tireless Guidance and Compassion of Sree Maa that i have been able to put the pieces of the puzzle together, reflect on my behaviour and nature of the small self and the spiritual bypassing practiced. Unfortunately, it was Sree Maa and Shri Ji who had to bear the brunt. i have learnt lessons at the expense of Sree Maa Shri Ji. There is no way i can ever apologize enough or make amends for what i have done. Can only honestly resolve to not repeat the same wrongs and mistakes ever. Am most fortunate to still be able to be associated with Kosmic Fusion as a faculty and forever endebted to Sree Maa Shri Ji for everything, for awakening my true Soul, for protecting me, for ushering me forward.

Sree Maa has given us everything on a platter including the most beautiful Absolute Truth teachings, and the most benevolent Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse. Resolve to learn from my mistakes and give it my best to truly serve the most noble mission of Kosmic Fusion. 

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