Sick with envy part 1

On the spiritual path one may encounter obstacles; antarshatrus (inner enemies) are part of one’s prarabdh (that portion of the sanchit - collection of past life karmas - that influences you in your present incarnation) which will come up as one progresses through one’s karmas and moves closer to the One and Only One. These inner enemies must be defeated in order to move forward on your spiritual path and attain liberation. It’s important to address these as they can be an impediment to your spiritual growth and in the FiT Programme looking at the kusang within, the dark shades within was imperative. Sree Maa lovingly explains this as follows:


The antar-shatru (inner-enemies) include kãm (lust), krodh (anger), lobh (greed), moh (uncontrolled fascination about something), mãn (pride), irshyã (envy or jealousy), mad (arrogance), matsar (vanity), ãshã (an intense hope for someone or sth), trushnã (desire or yearning for things or someone) and ahankãr (self pride).

Any genuine spiritual seeker would work hard to eradicate these inner enemies through honest reflection, introspection and applying thought processes. In Vachanamrut 15 Gadhada Madya Prakran (p 470) and 4 Gadhada Pratham Prakran (p 25), Shreeji Maharaj explains beautifully how one can tackle such nature and Sree Maa has always graciously guided and supported us non-stop to move past the small/dark/false self into the True SELF,  Brahmroop. But not all who join spiritual circles are genuine as it became clear.

Dallia/Iphigenie Amoutzias, one of the Facilitators in Training (FiT), was overcome by jealousy and envy, in fact by pathological jealousy and envy. She could not stand that others had something she couldn’t have. She was extremely jealous and envious of Sree Maa Shri Ji. Straight from when she met Sree Maa she was keeping a hawk’s eye on what all Sree Maa had and wanted to have what Sree Maa had. If you look at the criteria of people with NPD, jealousy & envy are one of the 9 key criteria, well explained in this interview with NPD-expert Christine Louis de Cannonville https://youtu.be/7RkICmjDNJU  (see 32:30 minutes). Can highly recommend you listen to it.

She not only wanted what Sree Maa had, but also copied what other FiTs had, the clothes Nandini was wearing, the car Simran had etc.. When narcissists can’t have something, they will destroy it. This was Iphigenie's main obsession and mission, she was hellbent on destruction. So jealous and envious of Sree Maa Shri Ji that once she confided in one of the Bhagats that she could not stand to see Sree Maa Shri Ji’s face. 

Continue to read Sick with envy part 2

PS
This blog is only intended to openly share about my spiritual journey with Kosmic Fusion and the FiT Programme in particular, where some who joined turned out to be frauds and meddlers. This is not in judgement but in discernment, as i have learned that in my failure to remain aware and discern i have enabled those with vicious agendas and toxic behaviours and this doesn't serve any soul. And unfortunately, narcissists will be drawn to spiritual circles in particular as they can find a huge unsuspecting narcissistic supply of compassionate and empathetic people there. 

Selfless service vs service to self

My first encounter with Irene/Tzu-Ling Kuo/Joy Kuo (she now calls herself Joy Vottus), one of the volunteers, was not a smooth one. She was pushy and constantly pointing out mistakes of others. It’s only in hindsight that i can put the pieces together and realize that since the time Irene joined, the harmony in the group plummeted big time. At the time i was still too overtaken by my own shadow and i failed to hold my space. Failed to follow the golden rule of stepping back, letting the QVSWPP lead and despite Sree Maa Shri Ji’s Guidance to work as a team and not form subgroups, i drew to mostly one of the volunteers, giving Irene the stage to take the lead and break the group apart. On gentle feedback from Sree Maa Shri Ji i looked at myself and worked hard to correct the slight annoyance and jealousy i felt towards Irene, never realizing the disruptive role Irene played at that time.

Looking within at one’s own dark/grey shades is essential if you ever want to move into your higher potential. Sree Maa has always provided a most loving space and guidance for genuine reflection. This is something i had to learn though, initially my ego didn’t find it easy to receive feedback given out of pure Love and care for the true Soul and i even complained about it to another FiT. This really shows the smallness of the ego and is all the more reason to overcome it. Am extremely grateful Sree Maa patiently and lovingly held my hand and encouraged me to look within and reflect so the true Soul could blossom. The true Soul in it's highest potential as the Brahmroop is always in selfless seva to and union with the One and Only One 💖 

Key point to note is that people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t take feedback very well and if you dare to call a narcissist out on their true face, you better brace yourself for their revenge. Narcissist go to great lengths to protect their fake image and are really good at acting, basically because they believe their own lies. This was and is also very much the case with Irene, now calling herself Joy.

The alpha female behaviour Irene/Joy/Tzu-Ling Kuo displayed is typical of narcissists, but they play clever, they like to communicate with people one on one and have a specific strategy for each one they are dealing with. What i later found out is that Irene was trying to fill Sree Maa’s ears about each one of the volunteers, to no avail by the way. However, this backhand behaviour, Irene made sure not to show in front of me. 

To me Irene mostly played the soft, sweet and innocent one and the most hardworking volunteer who would sacrifice anything for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji, especially after i moved back to the Netherlands early 2014. She also played the victim at times and her trump card always was that she was doing it all for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion. Little did i know that she continued her bullying behaviour with the remaining volunteers in Sydney and managed to drive away numerous people who i had personally introduced to Kosmic Fusion and who were very happily involved and volunteering until they had to interface with Irene.

Deceit and manipulation

After i moved back to the Netherlands, i was not very involved at all with what was happening in Sydney (should have taken more of an interest but failed to do so). So, when i recently saw the Sydney FIT whatsapp group chat could not believe how Irene had been pushing everyone around and constantly demanding money in the name of Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji (who knew nothing about this) for all the expos they attended. It was all Irene’s ambition and overdrive that they went to so many festivals and expos. All this while, Irene had made it appear that no one Sydney was contributing and that only her and Hanuman, whom she had carefully groomed and manipulated (this is what narcissist are very good at), exploiting his dedication and loyalty for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion, were the one doing all the volunteer work. Recommend anyone to read his blog also.

Am still baffled at all the lies and the extent to which Irene went to keep up the image of a hardworking volunteer and later on a sincere devotee who would sacrifice anything, her job, her sleep, her time for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji. A carefully crafted mask. As i said, narcissists are great actors. What she was doing behind Sree Maa Shri Ji’s back and everyone else’s, she never mentioned of course and she created plenty of smoke and mirrors and flying monkeys to hide it all. 

Just a small sample of her so-called “selfless service”: siphoning out data from Kosmic Fusion, approaching these contacts for her own business, passing off Kosmic Fusion Intellectual Property and copy righted materials as her own to bank on it, abusing Kosmic Fusion resources left right and centre for her own benefit and plans, pitting FiTs against each other, filling volunteers ears, scheming plans to get some volunteers out of the FiT Programme. 

Even found out she tried to get me out of the FiT Programme behind my back. She sent an email to Jeeya, who was our Mentor’s personal assistant at the time looking after the emails, saying another volunteer and i did not attend one of the workshops the year before hinting that we were not eligible for the upcoming pivotal workshop of the FiT Programme end of 2015. This is how narcissists operate, on the sly. Sree Maa Shri Ji immediately put a stop to her move.

Fooled by the façade
None of this Irene/Joy ever told me of course and in fact i looked up to her as i had fallen for her image of sincere volunteer and devotee and even put herself above me in my head. Here is where my doer subtly played up and i made the mistake of not following the golden Guidance of Sree Maa of no hierarchy. Gotta give it to Irene, she is one good actress. Though it is also my lack of awareness and ability to pick up on nuances and see through someone’s façade. Had i paid attention and not kept my rose coloured glasses on, would have seen that the face Irene was putting up and her choice of words are not those of a humble, meek person, but of a big ambitious jealous pushover that was only there to promote her own agenda. 

How to recognize service to self types and narcissists... 

P.S.
My intention to share these experiences is so that it is helpful for others who may find themselves in a similar situation