Removal of ignorance

Since Sree Maa Shri Ji came into my life early 2012, there have been so many profound experiences and moments, would not be possible to write them all down. i know in my heart of hearts that where i am today in my P.R.O.C.E.S.S of Awakenin Transformation Transcendence is all only because of the Grace, Kindness, Blessing and Shelter of Sree Maa, my beloved Paratpar Guru.

As i am born and raised in Europe in a white atheist household, really didn’t have a clue what Guru meant. There were many things i was completely ignorant about, even simple energy hygiene protocols, but Sree Maa has patiently and lovingly worked with me in a way i could understand, opening me up to true knowledge and a greater understanding of Absolute Truth including the purpose of human life – helping remove layers of agyan and avidya (ignorance). There is nothing more fortunate that a Guru-disciple relationship for any genuine seeker and quite frankly the depth of this i am only just beginning to understand, but energetically have felt it for a longer time.  

Throughout the years, Sree Maa has played the role of my Teacher, my Friend, my Guide, my Philosopher, my Benefactor, my Guru. Complex scriptural knowledge from the ancient scriptures, Sree Maa would explain in simple English with examples and analogies of the ‘modern world’ and a great sense of humour. Any question we had, we could ask. Sree Maa would give us a voice in the volunteering, listening to our inputs. When Sree Maa knew i was struggling financially in Sydney, while we were at the expo in Sydney CBD Sree Maa took me to buy a beautiful skirt. Still have that skirt 😊 Always always, Sree Maa Shri Ji has been available to us.

Sree Maa sees only the potential of the Absolute in everyone, the Atma (True Soul), that which has been created by the Absolute and belongs to the Absolute, Swaminarayan Bhagwan only and accepts all with open arms, no matter their background, culture, religion, the densities or issues they may carry. Truly the glorious living embodiment of Grace, Compassion and Kindness.

How beautifully Sree Maa worked with me so that my Faith in Bhagwan could grow and the bond with Sree Maa could develop. In a letter in 2014 i wrote about it as:
I am forever grateful to Sree Maa and Shree Ji for being the living TRUTH and LOVE and restoring my Faith in LOVE. Their embracing this lost sheep with such GRACE truly shows the Benevolance of GOD.

Sree Maa also guided me in an experiential way to understand that a true Guru, someone who truly cares for your Soul (Atma), points out the obstacles to your Soul’s liberation and fusion with Bhagwan so that you can honestly look at it and let go, be they inner enemies (like lust, greed, jealousy etc.), faulty beliefs, habits or whatever layers of the small/false/dark/ego self.

As i have written before, this took me a little while to accept with love and grace my ego did not like feedback, but now i feel so grateful. It is not through judging others or ourselves that we can shed the layers, but through the gates of honesty and acceptance and taking responsibility we can awaken, transform and transcend beyond the small/false/dark/ego self into our True SELF who is always in seva and surrender to the One and Only One. For further inspiration please also read Vachanamrut Gadhada Madhya 37.4.

Sharing a beautiful post Sree Maa recently shared on Facebook:

In my P.R.O.C.E.S.S (and yes, it is a P.R.O.C.E.S.S, no magic pill here), there have been a number of watershed moments apart from the Awakenin Transformation workshop itself of course. One such moment was the Transcendence in 2013 in Sydney. Transcendence workshop is a profound Blessing with a lot to it, but one aspect is that Sree Maa Shri Ji Graces the ones present with the clearing of entities in the organs. A small description from Sree Maa here:

"Most parasites that feel like negative elements and entities trying to control our the entities in your organs .
We do clear entities in the organs in the TranScEndeNcE Sessions which is by invitation only.

To be honest out of the 16 people who were invited to attend the TranScEndeNcE Initiations -activations and transmissions only a handful have been able to truly step back.
The EGO really is the most malevolent Entity that which appears to be foreign but is the person's who consciousness fragments attacking themselves.

Key point to note is that the basis for Transcendence is stepping back, being the non-doer.
i can best share what happened during the 2 Transcendence workshop days, where some demonic energies sitting in my womb were released, through sharing the testimonial i wrote about it a year later in 2014. 

First of all I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Sree Maa and Shree Ji for all the GRACE and LOVE and Guidance I have received. I can't say this enough!
It was on Wesak 2013, the day before the TrAnScEnDeNcE Workshop, where we were gathered for a special Initiation and at some point while Maa was guiding us through an experiential exercise/meditation my belly began swelling up like I was instantly 9 months pregnant. I remember Maa inviting me to sit with her and to release whatever was in my womb. I still get tears in my eyes when I think about this, there was something extremely humbling to sit so close to Maa on her lap. She helped me breathe like a woman does when she is giving birth, it took a lot of breaths and considerable pushing. Guess there was some resistance within me to let go.

There were 3 dark entities in my womb if I remember correctly. I had an abortion the year before and there was also an energy of a miscarriage and something related to my current child. This is just to illustrate the amazing Grace that has blessed me and this has indeed been one of the most life-changing moments in my life. Without Sree Maa and Shree Ji's assistance I would not have been able to release it. Afterwards I lay down in a corner, while the other pulsars continued with the meditation. Shree Ji put his hand over my head, and I could still feel them there for a long time even though he had moved to another part of the room. The unconditional LOVE I was touched with that day is beyond words. The response of the other Pulsars afterwards was powerful too. They could immediately see the difference. They said something like 'you're back/welcome back'. I felt infinitely lighter and more spacious, like some things that had been draining the light within me had finally been released. 

Sada Aapki Abhaari Rahungi Sree Maa Shri Ji _/\ô__  _/\ô__ _/\ô__

Sree Maa Shri Ji has explained that ultimately Transcendence can be a by-product of Transformation if one genuinely commits to transformation. All too often Transcendence is what spiritual seekers instantly strive for, but without wanting to do the ‘real work’. Forever grateful to Sree Maa Shri Ji for taking me under Sree Maa’s Wing, sharing the Absolute Truth and nothing but the Absolute Truth and holding my hand on this pathless path.

Would like to conclude with a beautiful chant played during the May/June 2015 Kawai Pura Pura Retreat in New Zealand, where i received the silent Guru mantra during the magnificent Transcendence Workshop there, humbly taking Sree Maa officially as my Guru but will write about this in another blog.

"Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu Gurur Devo  Maheshwaraha  Guru Saakshat ParaBrahma Tasmaya Shri Guruve Namaha." 

Meaning Guru is verily the representative of Brahma, Vishnu ,Shiv. He creates, sustains Knowledge and destroy the weeds of Ignorance. I salute such a Guru.

P.S. This blog is intended to openly share my experience of my blessed spiritual journey with Kosmic Fusion that it may inspire others. My apologies it is not in sequential order, jumping back and forth in years, but as the reflections come to me currently in hindsight.

Selfless service vs service to self

My first encounter with Irene/Tzu-Ling Kuo/Joy Kuo (she now calls herself Joy Vottus), one of the volunteers, was not a smooth one. She was pushy and constantly pointing out mistakes of others. It’s only in hindsight that i can put the pieces together and realize that since the time Irene joined, the harmony in the group plummeted big time. At the time i was still too overtaken by my own shadow and i failed to hold my space. Failed to follow the golden rule of stepping back, letting the QVSWPP lead and despite Sree Maa Shri Ji’s Guidance to work as a team and not form subgroups, i drew to mostly one of the volunteers, giving Irene the stage to take the lead and break the group apart. On gentle feedback from Sree Maa Shri Ji i looked at myself and worked hard to correct the slight annoyance and jealousy i felt towards Irene, never realizing the disruptive role Irene played at that time.

Looking within at one’s own dark/grey shades is essential if you ever want to move into your higher potential. Sree Maa has always provided a most loving space and guidance for genuine reflection. This is something i had to learn though, initially my ego didn’t find it easy to receive feedback given out of pure Love and care for the true Soul and i even complained about it to another FiT. This really shows the smallness of the ego and is all the more reason to overcome it. Am extremely grateful Sree Maa patiently and lovingly held my hand and encouraged me to look within and reflect so the true Soul could blossom. The true Soul in it's highest potential as the Brahmroop is always in selfless seva to and union with the One and Only One 💖 

Key point to note is that people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t take feedback very well and if you dare to call a narcissist out on their true face, you better brace yourself for their revenge. Narcissist go to great lengths to protect their fake image and are really good at acting, basically because they believe their own lies. This was and is also very much the case with Irene, now calling herself Joy.

The alpha female behaviour Irene/Joy/Tzu-Ling Kuo displayed is typical of narcissists, but they play clever, they like to communicate with people one on one and have a specific strategy for each one they are dealing with. What i later found out is that Irene was trying to fill Sree Maa’s ears about each one of the volunteers, to no avail by the way. However, this backhand behaviour, Irene made sure not to show in front of me. 

To me Irene mostly played the soft, sweet and innocent one and the most hardworking volunteer who would sacrifice anything for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji, especially after i moved back to the Netherlands early 2014. She also played the victim at times and her trump card always was that she was doing it all for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion. Little did i know that she continued her bullying behaviour with the remaining volunteers in Sydney and managed to drive away numerous people who i had personally introduced to Kosmic Fusion and who were very happily involved and volunteering until they had to interface with Irene.

Deceit and manipulation

After i moved back to the Netherlands, i was not very involved at all with what was happening in Sydney (should have taken more of an interest but failed to do so). So, when i recently saw the Sydney FIT whatsapp group chat could not believe how Irene had been pushing everyone around and constantly demanding money in the name of Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji (who knew nothing about this) for all the expos they attended. It was all Irene’s ambition and overdrive that they went to so many festivals and expos. All this while, Irene had made it appear that no one Sydney was contributing and that only her and Hanuman, whom she had carefully groomed and manipulated (this is what narcissist are very good at), exploiting his dedication and loyalty for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion, were the one doing all the volunteer work. Recommend anyone to read his blog also.

Am still baffled at all the lies and the extent to which Irene went to keep up the image of a hardworking volunteer and later on a sincere devotee who would sacrifice anything, her job, her sleep, her time for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji. A carefully crafted mask. As i said, narcissists are great actors. What she was doing behind Sree Maa Shri Ji’s back and everyone else’s, she never mentioned of course and she created plenty of smoke and mirrors and flying monkeys to hide it all. 

Just a small sample of her so-called “selfless service”: siphoning out data from Kosmic Fusion, approaching these contacts for her own business, passing off Kosmic Fusion Intellectual Property and copy righted materials as her own to bank on it, abusing Kosmic Fusion resources left right and centre for her own benefit and plans, pitting FiTs against each other, filling volunteers ears, scheming plans to get some volunteers out of the FiT Programme. 

Even found out she tried to get me out of the FiT Programme behind my back. She sent an email to Jeeya, who was our Mentor’s personal assistant at the time looking after the emails, saying another volunteer and i did not attend one of the workshops the year before hinting that we were not eligible for the upcoming pivotal workshop of the FiT Programme end of 2015. This is how narcissists operate, on the sly. Sree Maa Shri Ji immediately put a stop to her move.

Fooled by the façade
None of this Irene/Joy ever told me of course and in fact i looked up to her as i had fallen for her image of sincere volunteer and devotee and even put herself above me in my head. Here is where my doer subtly played up and i made the mistake of not following the golden Guidance of Sree Maa of no hierarchy. Gotta give it to Irene, she is one good actress. Though it is also my lack of awareness and ability to pick up on nuances and see through someone’s façade. Had i paid attention and not kept my rose coloured glasses on, would have seen that the face Irene was putting up and her choice of words are not those of a humble, meek person, but of a big ambitious jealous pushover that was only there to promote her own agenda. 

How to recognize service to self types and narcissists... 

P.S.
My intention to share these experiences is so that it is helpful for others who may find themselves in a similar situation