2015 FiT Retreat - Absolute Hug

Sree Maa Shri Ji showered so many Initiations and Blessings during the 2015 Kawai Pura Pura Retreat, it would take pages to share them all.

Sree Maa Shri Ji graced us with the Biggest Gift of non-action and being an akarmi and really helped us move deeper into this at this Retreat. Dynamic and experiential as the workshops always are, we practised this with giving each other a hug, where we could move beyond the sense of “i” am hugging,  into a sense of there is no one there but the hugging is happening and deeper still to go beyond the hugger, hugged or embrace into the internal infinite love of the Absolute that is always there. Such a profound, beautiful experience.

Sashtang Dandavat and embraced by the Divine

Earlier in the Retreat during the Practitioner Training part, Sree Maa Shri Ji also explained in great detail about the value and energy dynamics of prostration, a moment to slow down and move towards Stillness. There were some who were hesitant, but no one was ever forced or coerced.

i personally felt no hesitation and had a most profound experience one time when bowing down in Sashtang Dandavat touching Sree Maa’s Lotus Feet. i completely lost awareness of the body even the floor disappeared and just felt this most powerful and magnificent Presence and some sort of merging happening, it is really hard to put into words. Sree Maa Shri Ji also explained when you touch the Feet of your Guru and when you get up and are embraced by the Guru that is the biggest Blessing of Welcome to this Abode. Forever Grateful to Sree Maa Shri Ji for embracing this meritless soul and accepting me into Sree Maa Shri Ji’s Fold.

At some point, Sree Maa Shri Ji graced us with the opportunity to release our unconcious acts and it got very hot in the room. We had lit up our own fire, releasing countless unconcious acts - swa ahuti Sree Maa called it. Here you can listen to my sharing afterwards where i cried when Sree Maa Shri Ji came and hugged me, felt like finally have come Home. Forever grateful to beloved Sree Maa Shri Ji _/\_

Akarmi deh names

Sree Maa Shri Ji graced us with a akarmi deh Initiation and with new names, akarmi deh names, to help us settle into the non-doer a bit better. We all looked with excitement at the board where the new names were written. i had seen the name Ekta written there, meaning Unity, and was drawn to it but part of me also felt it was too ‘big’ a name. All the names were the virtues of Brahmn and calling each other by that name would remind us of that quality. Beautiful names included Simran, meditation or remembrance of God, Mahima, meaning Glory to remember the Glory of God, Archita, the one who is surrendered to God as the Brahmn is always surrendered to Bhagwan. Really felt grateful to receive the precious name Ekta and made a sankalp within to honour it the best i could.

Interestingly, at this same Retreat and afterwards i got the opportunity to do just that. When i arrived at the Retreat, some of the FiTs invited me to their rooms to catch up, have a little chat. Even though i felt a little tired as i had flown from Europe to New Zealand, i decided to come. As i was listening, i noticed how one of them, Jeeya, would talk about others and not always in a favourable way, basically she was gossiping. After a while i did not feel comfortable and left saying i was tired and wanted to sleep. Later on, i confided with Archita that i didn’t like the gossiping. What i should have done was stood up right there and then and said something about it. Sree Maa told me to reflect and then apologize to everyone as i had come from separation and thought that i was ‘better’. Was very grateful to Sree Maa for pointing this out to me and giving me to chance to see through the subtleties of the ego and its arrogance. Only someone who is your true Well-Wisher would go to this extent to make sure your Atma is honoured and the ego is dissolved.

i know for sure that the one who walked into the door is not the one who left the Retreat – all only by the Grace and Shakti of beloved Sree Maa Shri Ji. Sada Aapki Abhaari Rahungi Sree Maa Shri Ji _/\_

Non-doer in practice

2014 was a year of change for me and one where trust grew. At the Guidance of Sree Maa Shri Ji, end of January 2014 i moved from Sydney back to the Netherlands. Actually, Sree Maa had already been hinting that Australia was not the place for me, i would only encounter endless karmic challenges, but i didn’t like the idea of moving back to the Netherlands. Sunny, tropical Australia was much more appealing to my ego.  

Eventually after Sree Maa graciously mentioned it two more times, i went together with my daughter back to my parents' house, my ego came along kicking and screaming. And through the unfathomable Grace of Bhagwan, my child’s father let us go. Also feel it is the Shakti of Bhagwan only that i actually made the move. 

Would also like to take a moment to offer my gratitude to my Kalyan Mitra, dear Archita, who kindly let my daughter and me stay at her place in Dubai on the stop-over halfway to Europe. Her deep Faith and beautiful presence somehow calmed me down and moved me more into the mode of acceptance. 

Cannot say the first few months were easy, but this was only the experience of the personality, on a deeper level surrender had taken place and my Soul could begin to blossom.

So yes, back in my parent’s house at the age of 40, with a 4 hour commute each day to and from work. Now my mind would make one thing of it, but something deeper would stir and actually those train journeys i took the time to tune in with the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse (QVSWPP) and reflect. This was exactly what i needed. The job had miraculously fallen into my lap despite the fact that i had not lived in the Netherlands for over 8 years and there were 300 applications for that position. There were many more examples in that time that would show how powerfully the QVSWPP can manifest what is needed, as long as we remain step back.

Let me share some exercises (one highlighted below) that i did at the Guidance of Sree Maa Shri Ji in one of the many Facilitators in Training calls Sree Maa Graced us with, completely for free. The force i am talking about is the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse, the beautiful Grace that when we step back, are real and honest with ourselves and TRUST will work ITs magic.

Started feeling uncomfortable after my mum mentioned her vision/advice for my future, 'find a cheap old rental in Den Helder' (a town in the far corners of NL) 'sth you can afford when you can't find a job again when you are on a pension again after this maternity leave position ends'. This hit an ego sore spot.... This brought up feelings of doubt, resentment over my decision to come to the Netherlands, feeling even more stuck and trapped. So when I sat down very late in the evening that day and recalled this moment, felt contracted at the heart, heavy, sad anger, frustration came up. At some point started to lean and slouch forward so sad. Started feeling dizzy in the head, slight pressure at temples. I just let it be. After a while started feeling very very sleepy. I lay down in a child's pose position and then feel asleep...

That morning woke up and first sat in receptive mode for 11 minutes. Then I tuned in again to the moment of the previous day and still noticed a cocktail of sadness, despair, anger, heaviness in my heart area and in the energy field around my heart. Again I just let it all be. The mind wanted to race and loop in it's sorry thoughts but there was an unmistakenly powerful 'invisible force' (best way I can describe) that instantly with a calming soothing effect made everything feel spacious and still in the mind, melting away the thoughts & upsetting emotions. Then Faith & Trust came back. I felt peaceful again.

 
It feels actually very freeing to not get sucked into the small self’s drama. Sree Maa once described the ego as follows: a drunken monkey with its tail on fire bitten by a scorpion. Think that’s sums it up quite well. And that is part of the P.R.O.C.E.S.S., to keep the ego in check.

In my Soul Mapping session in 2013, Sree Maa Shri Ji had given a certain Guidance that really touched my heart: “embrace everything that happens with love and grace”. And this would come back to me a lot in this year, especially when i encountered more difficult situations. Now i know that a true Aashrit/Devotee sees and understands everything that happens as a GIFT of Bhagwan only. Slowly, was moving into this understanding.  

2014 was also the practical training ground for the FiT Programme, where we helped organize a lot of online events and Awakenin Transformation workshops, which Sree Maa Shri Ji would always conduct. We were lucky enough to be able to join those workshops as part of the Training but would always log out for the 0 zero session, where Sree Maa Shri Ji removed the dense obsolete 3D/4D Grids of the participants.

Now this wasn’t so much about organizing, as it was about learning to remain stepped back and being the non-doer, letting the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse weave IT’s miracles. This seems simple but actually requires constant awareness and practice as the doer will step in. Sree Maa was always emphasizing to work as a team, work in oneness, and through many training calls and Discourses was giving everything to support this, but not all made the effort to honour this. 

Some in the FiT group did not make an effort to step back, instead they were constantly meddling. We were all supposed to rotate with helping out online but Dallia/Iphigenie Amoutzias would try to hog all the online events for herself, pushing other FiTs to the background. This was around the same time where she was sowing seeds of doubts during the meditation evenings and Kosmic Tribes. She was making sure the unity would not happen. Same goes for Irene/Tzu-Ling Kuo/Joy who was acting like the boss in Sydney, creating hierarchy and pushing away volunteers with her bullying.

But at the time i was still sleeping and unaware of this sabotage going on…

Trust and faith

On any spiritual path, trust and faith are key. On the path of ultimate liberation, trust and faith are indispensable.

The FiT Intake ceremony in October 2013 was all about trust and faith. Sree Maa Shri Ji graciously invited us to join an Awakenin Transformation workshop taking place in Auckland and offered the FiT intake ceremony completely complimentary.

In the Awakenin Transformation workshop, Sree Maa removes the dense obsolete 3D/4D grids, activates the true Soul and Graces each one with a 24/7 connection to the most benevolent Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse, the Supreme Signature of the Shunya Bindu, the Swaminarayan Mahamantra.

We were asked to lie down under the feet of the new attendees of the workshop and we all knew that it is through the feet that the discordant energies leave. How comfortable were we to lie under the feet of the participants? How much did we trust Sree Maa Shri Ji and the process? i had no problems lying under the feet of the participants.

Shortly after the FiT intake ceremony, i moved back to the Netherlands at Sree Maa Shri Ji’s Guidance. Had big ego resistance but still i went, a leap of faith, but i trusted Sree Maa Shri Ji and moved. Went to the last place my ego wanted to go, back to my parents’ house at the age of 40 in a country i have tried my whole life to run away from.

Everything fell into place graciously. For example, found a job within no time, was picked out of 300 applicants, after having been away from the Netherlands for 8 years and with no network or recent experience in Holland to speak of. If this is not the Grace of Bhagwan,what is?

Sharing a letter that i wrote to my true SELF in April 2014 where you can see my leap of faith verbalized. i still go back to this letter at times. Know in my heart it is only the Grace and Power of Bhagwan that enabled me to write this letter.

Each and every day am humbled by the Greatness and Glory of Bhagwan and my beloved Sarvopari Sadguru Sree Maa. Each day some revelation comes, or out of the blue feel embraced in their Supreme Love and Compassion. Even when the ego is trying to kick up a storm (and before it will leave it will try it’s very best to create drama), unwavering trust and faith sit still and strong in my Atma, whose creator and illuminator is Bhagwan. i know nothing and don't need to know anything as everything is taken care of by the All-Doer, my isht-Dev Bhagwan Swaminarayan. 

How can one not have trust and faith in the Supreme Being, the most benevolent, utmost kind and gracious and supremely All-knowing One and Only One?

There was one of the FiTs, however, who always displayed her lack of trust and faith in subtle and not so subtle ways. Looking back, it is obvious how Dallia/Iphigenie Amoutzias was purposely spreading seeds of doubt. Someone with pathological envy and jealousy cannot bear to see others have what they don’t have. This is not something i am making up, this is something she has admitted to herself at a time when she did reflect a little, at the time of the Reunion. Though it did not last, and she reverted back to her old wounds and intentions. 

Her intention was to destroy Kosmic Fusion and she never let this go. This too she has admitted herself. You can listen to her calmly reading the reflections she wrote in her own time at her own place. Guess she was hoping to ‘buy her way back into the group’ pretending to really want to change and continue her mission of destruction. The fact she is now leading a smear campaign against Kosmic Fusion and beloved Sree Maa Shri Ji shows her true intention.

Like i said, spreading seeds of doubts was Iphigenie Amoutzias/Dallia's modus operandi. Very clever, if you want to make sure the mission of Kosmic Fusion is foiled and souls don’t move forward on their spiritual journey, you would hack at the trust and faith of others. She was entrusted with being the representative of Kosmic Fusion in New Zealand and was the one often hosing the Kosmic Tribe (gatherings of Pulsars) and Kosmic Meetups where anyone could come to experience the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse. Behind Sree Maa Shri Ji’s back, she would purposely poison the minds of participants against Sree Maa Shri Ji, especially by sowing seeds of doubt.

She tried it twice with me, once earlier on in 2014, but my reply was i don’t know how, but the faith and trust is just there, unwavering, like a silent anchor i can go back to in any moment. That shut her up. 

Only last year on the India Pilgrimage she gave it another go with me. As we were getting off the bus, she was en passant saying how she had trouble believing in Sree Maa Shri Ji and had a smirk on her face when she said it. i was stunned how someone who was living in the Ashram with their Sarvopari Sadguru could have such doubts. To my question what are you doing in the Ashram then, she never gave an honest answer and tried to divert the topic. But the truth came out anyway, as truth eventually always wins.

Jai Shree Swaminarayan